pichas pichas

I shot my first real engagement session this weekend! So while I am editing, this is my playlist...

Disarm--Ben Rector

Misery--Maroon 5

Shark in the Water--VV Brown

All This Time--One Republic

Paperweight--Joshua Radin

Can't Stop Lovin You--Phil Collins

Home--Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Carolina On My Mind--James Taylor

We All Need Saving--Jon McLaughlin

For the First Time-The Script

Like We Used To--A Rocket to the Moon

All About Us--He Is We

Kiss Me Slowly--Parachute/Lady Antebellum (my new repeat repeat repeat song)

What If You--Joshua Radin

Listen to all these songs and you will love your life!

And for those of you who don't like reading things without pictures, here you are. One of my new favs :)

conference weekend

Jake Garn Workshop

So lately...I guess it's a consequence of my greatest dream being smashed into a billion pieces, but I've just been feeling kind of like, "...photography...meh..." or in other words, just kind of burnt out of it all. Very uninspired.

  Well a few weeks ago I found out that I'd won a free workshop with Jake Garn, a great photographer here in Utah. 

The workshop was tonight and, to be honest, I debated going all day today. I don't know why. And then on the way there I thought my car was going to break down and I started talking myself out of it again. 

Holy cow, I am SO SO glad I went! SO GLAD! 

I learned so much, but these are the things that have me excited about photography again!

1. When the class started, Jake talked about having made the decision to quit photography a few months back. His reasons are much different than mine, but I realized that even the big shots get turned away from something they love sometimes. 

2. Only about 1/3 of the people who tried to get in to the class actually got in. We were told this was a random selection but Jake told us tonight that wasn't quite true. Apparently, when he sent out the email telling us that he was going to randomly select who got into the class, there was a link on the bottom of the page, which he was able to track. The ones who got in the class were the ones who clicked on that link, "the curious ones" he called us. He said that proved to him that we were curious, hungry to know more. At first I didn't remember clicking on this link, but then I remembered how desperate I was to get into the class when I got that email and how I wanted to know any bit of information that might get me in. Apparently it worked because that's how I spent my evening :) I guess it just reaffirmed to me my desire to learn more. 

3. This one is my favorite :) In the class he talked, among many other things, what to do to gain inspiration. The steps were 1. learn the basics, 2. find a niche, 3. find a muse, and 4. gain an audience.

YOU GUYS!! THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO DO! I won't pretend even for a second that I've mastered the basics, but the basics are done giving me inspiration. I'm done with that. It's time for me to find my niche, the thing to take pictures of that inspires me to take more and more pictures. It could be portraits, street, documentary, lifestyle, landscape...

I don't know, but I'm excited to find out :)

sorry

sorry for my little outburst in that last post

here's what up

prologue: I'm already stressed about school because I SHOULD only have three semesters left, but since I changed my major and then my minor, I have five, which puts me in undergrad school a year longer than I should be, before I even get to start grad school. 

Here's the thing.

Every time I've tried to make an appointment to talk to my assigned academic adviser, the students in the office wont let me--they tell me I just need to talk to them. So in talking to them, I asked if having a child development major and a photography minor would allow me to go to grad school for occupational therapy. Every time, they assured me that's all I needed to do.

Well, thursday night, in the midst of stressing about finals and packing and cleaning, I was looking on the U's website and stumbled upon the prerequisites for OT.

anatomy

physiology

statistics

chemisty

anthropology

sociology

abnormal physilogy

and about a hundred more classes I'm not smart enough to pass(except sociology, totally got a B+ this semester)/would have had to be doing the LAST 2 1/2 years to graduate in a timely manner. 

I'm so overwhelmed I just don't know what to do. This would add another year, if not more, onto my undergraduate schooling. And not only does BYUI make it impossible to transfer, they limit your credits so even with just my declared major and minor, I'm going to have to file a petition to stay my last 3 semesters. 

I know that technically, I could find a way to do it. It will take a million and half years, but it could probably be done. 

BUT

For all I grumble and complain about marriage, I just always thought I would get my schooling done as soon as possible so that I could start a family if/when that opportunity arises.
ALSO
I would have to give up photography, and I'm not willing to do that.

I feel really lost

Not in the "i don't know who I am anymore" sense, I know exactly who "I am" and I KNOW that the Lord has a specific plan for me, but I just...I don't know what to do.

Besides a brief cross country truck driver phase my sophomore year of high school, this is all I've ever wanted to do. 

Everyone has paradigm shifts and experiences that cause their dreams to change, but I've never had one brutally crushed like this. Completely annihilated.

So what do I do?

awesome

perfect

I knew too many good things had happened lately.

I thought, "March was one of the worst months of my life. April is going so well so far, this is going to be a great month!"

Jinx

Just when I think I know what I want from life and things are going good, life takes a big old dump

right

on

my

face.

Good thing I haven't essentially wasted the last 2 1/2 years of school.

Good thing my dream for the last 5 years of being an occupational therapist didn't just get flushed down the toilet.

Good thing

star struck

So...about a week ago I was on facebook and saw that two of my favorite photographers, Jake Garn and Ryan Muirhead, were putting on a free workshop. With adrenaline pumping, I registered and then sat back and waited to hear if I got in. 

Last night I got an email telling me that only one third of the people who applied got accepted...

AND I AM ONE OF THEM!

These guys are seriously rockstars of photography right now, this is a pretty amazing opportunity.

If you're wondering who I'm talking about, refer to this post.  or this one. or this one.

At the same time though, I don't really feel like I deserve it. 

I don't do big things like this.

I back out of big opportunities. 

I tell myself I don't deserve it; i'm not really into portraiture and I'm a very amateur picture taker. 

I don't even really think of myself as a photographer. It's why I do weddings for free and don't advertise as much as I should.

But I'm so excited for this! I feel like I just won an acting workshop with Brad Pitt (yeah...I may have a little bit of a crush on Ryan...)