picturing

I went out picturing for a little bit today, first with Stacey, then just by myself. 

It's good to have supportive friends, but it's also good to have downtime doing something that I love. 

I was doing a lot of thinking while I was out alone and came to another realization. Are you ready for it?

I'm a control freak.

A BIG TIME control freak.

I think that's why shooting with film scares me so much, because I can't see the results right away.

I can't delete it if it isn't perfect.

People will see the imperfect ones and that scares. me. 

I actually came to this realization while...well, cheating, basically. The assignment was to have one roll of black and white film ready to develop for the lab tomorrow. 

Me, thinking I'm sneaky and not wanting to waste any exposures, would take a picture with the old trusty digital, then adjust the settings on my film camera and snap the same picture. Cheating.

Despite having just changed the battery, my digital died before I could really even start. I think Heavenly Father a) knew I was cheating and didn't approve, and b) thought I needed a break from being able to control everything.

Despite a minor freak out, picturing was good today.

Two great things happened:

1) I was by a fabrication shop and saw an older mexican man welding something. During a break, I approached him and asked if I could take his picture. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Hello! My name is Hailee. Can I take your picture?

Him: Why?

Me: Because I think you are visually interesting

Him: No

Me: Um...okay! Thanks anyway!

So I walked around and pictured a little bit, and then tried to leave, but not quite having mastered driving a manual transmission, got stuck.
All of a sudden, there he was! He offered to push me out, I thanked him profusely, and left. 

2) I was about to head home and still had about 10 exposures left. I decided to just drive along the highway and ended up at an old "antique" shop. Outside it was like a junkyard, in my head I kept comparing it to the island of misfit toys. Piles of bicycles and exercise equipment and stoves and lawnmowers shoved between old travel trailers and file cabinets. 

It was beautiful. 

So after tromping around, snapping pictures of rusty metal and peeling paint and other things I think are beautiful but that no one else probably cares about, my roll was finally finished!

So I went inside and decided to acquaint myself with the shop owner. He was a scary looking guy but he had a warm (albeit toothless) smile and helped me search the dusty piles of old electronics, bottles, and instruments for cameras. When there were none to be found, we chatted a little and I left. But I told him to expect me back often, looking for cameras.

Today has been long, and a little sad. It's cold and a little depressing here, but I'm glad for the opportunity I get to meet kind-hearted, even gruff looking, people.

And I get to see my family tomorrow.

Life is good.