hurt

my heart hurts. I need hugs and validation. 

I know it's a lame, vague thing to put on a blog--only about half a step up as having it as my facebook status, but...it is what it is. 

For those of you who actually read this--be my friend. hug me. validate me. tell me that I did the right thing.

preschool

Today I taught preschool as the lead teacher for the first time! Let me tell you, boys and girls, it was scary but one of the most fun things I've ever done! I loved it! 

I got about two hours of sleep last night (punctuated by preschool-teaching nightmares--yikes!)

I feel (and look) like I've been living in the dumpster behind Craigo's for a week and a half. (and I was thus spotted by an ex-boyfriend--the horror!).

But I am so happy!

First of all, because L. Tom Perry was the devotional speaker here in Rexburg today. That was neat. 

Second of all, because I get the opportunity to work one-on-one with a little boy here in town who maybe has some sensory issues and needs a little bit of extra love!!!

I've been so bummed that we don't have any special needs kids in our preschool class, and this boy has not been specified as having any special needs, but this just makes my heart so happy! 

Ever since I worked in the special needs classroom at Mount Logan Middle School (fall 2010), I've been aching for some similar kids to work with!

I love this kind of work.

I think my favorite part of preschool is, any time we leave the classroom, we have to hold the children's hands until we get to our destination.
That is my favorite part!
I guess it may seem weird to most people, but I love the feeling of those pudgy little baby hands in mine.
It's definitely the best :)

typical

Tonight was fun. 

After watching a bazillion hours of Prison Break (typical),

Janessa (my roommate/BFF here in rexburg) and I got studious and did some homework (typical. ish). 

Then we decided we needed to work out (typical for Janessa, nooooot so much for me. I'm making an effort though),

so we did a little cardio, then popped in our Jillian Michaels DVD (six week six pack!)

yelled at Jillian a LOT (typical of us when we engage in this sort of activity),

then Janessa made us a healthy smoothie to share (typical)

and I watched while wolfing down a spoonful of nutella (typical).

Back to homework now. 

blehh

ALSO, today was my first day of being a preschool teacher and I LOVED it!! Nothing too eventful happened, but this conversation was my favorite of the day.

H: "Teacher, teacher! We had to go to the hospital yesterday!"

Me: "Oh no! What happened?"

H: "I stuck something in my ear."

I love preschoolers :)

From the Heart

This semester I tried out and made it into a choir called "From the Heart." It's a choir run by and made up of students from here at BYU-I. They sing at firesides on campus and travel around at the end of the semester for a weekend and go on tour somewhere in or close-ish to Idaho. 

Tonight was our first rehearsal and, though we did mostly introductory things and only sang for about twenty minutes, my heart is just so full. I don't even think I have the words to explain it right now, I'll try to explain later maybe :) For now, just listen to this song we're going to sing. It's called "Here is Hope"
Guys. I want this solo.

Another song that I think is going to be my favorite is called "Jesus, My Savior." The last few lines are,

All of my life, yea, all of my days,

still not enough to sing thy praise.

This pretty much sums up my feelings as of late. 

I've missed being in a real choir, it's been far too long. And one like this, where our main goal is to invite the spirit...I'm just so grateful and so excited.

Goodbye 2011

2011 has been a really interesting year for me. Here are some of the things I've done (in the order that I can think of them):

-I took my first trip to Park City and didn't take nearly enough pictures. 

-I restored my grandpa's camera from 1948 by looking at it for about a million hours (give or take three) and pushing every button the same amount of times to discover what they do. I also cleaned that camera with cotton swabs. Obsessive? Absolutely.

-I went to two funerals in one week, each for grandparents on different sides of the family. -I sang at both those funerals.
-I promptly vowed to never sing at another funeral again. 

-I photographed my grandpa's funeral with the aforementioned camera, which he used while he was serving in the Korean war. 

-I started going to school year-round and, after year one (a year and a half of school done over 10 months), I want to poke my eyes out with those little swords that are sometimes in sandwiches and/or fruity drinks.

-I got called as relief society president and had the biggest melt-down to date. Take all the melt-downs I've had in the middle of all six previous finals, combine them, multiply them by the power of a thousand suns, and that was this meltdown. I hope you get the point by now that it was bad.

-I got over my feelings of inadequacy and did a fair job in my calling. 

-I drove an hour in the middle of the night to go hot-tubbing at a place that, upon arrival, was closed for maintenance, but got to know the people in the car really well. 
-I got a new niece!
-I got accepted to go to Russia, again, and had to turn it down, again, and my heart broke, again.  
-I got my car stuck in a hole in a field in the middle of Idaho Falls...yeah...

-I got better at shooting film, especially medium format, which I love. I LOVE medium format film!
-I shot a lot of guns, yo. A lot of guns. 

-I didn't take nearly enough pictures. 
-I learned how to talk about my feelings without my brain shutting down. This is a big, big thing for me. 

-I met and talked to some really cool hot-air ballooners!

-I took some really cool pictures in some really neat places. I think the Pallisaides was my favorite.
-I had two people pay me to take their engagement pictures. This taught me a lot of things, like not to let clients walk all over you, and that everyone is happier when you stay true to your own style. I also decided to take a break from that kind of photography, and I'm not sure I've completely recovered yet!!

-I bought three four new cameras and coveted a lot, LOT more cameras.

-I lost touch with some friends that I used to think I couldn't live with out. Turns out I can. It stinks, but I can. Who would've thought?

-I made some amazing, amazing friends that I hope I never lose touch with.
-I TOUCHED A CADAVER! One that has been at BYUI for 10+ years!! I HATED touching the cadavers and did it as little as possible

And that's a little bit about my 2011.

2012 is already shaping up to be a big, big year!
I'm working in the preschool on campus, which, contrary to how it sounds, is going to be my very most stressful class. My first lesson plan is due tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm doing! The kids start coming on Thursday though, and I'm so excited for that :)
Also, I tried out for a fireside choir on Sunday and yesterday I made it to the first round of callbacks! We get the final word sometime tonight and I don't think the butterflies in my stomach will go away until then. (UPDATE: I MADE IT IN!! More to come on this later)
2012 will also bring:
-Three more semesters of school
-The GRE
-Grad school applications
So those things all have to do with school...I don't know what else 2012 will hold, but I'm excited to see :)