getting excited

ah!! The day after tomorrow I will be reunited with this girl:

and then two days later, with this girl:

and all will be right with the world.

I'm excited :)

something new #6

 I try really hard to make people think I'm funny. 

I also try really hard to make it look like I'm not trying to be funny, but that it just comes naturally. 

It's exhausting sometimes always!!

faculty vs students

today was my last day of work (I'm super sad about that) and to kick off the christmas break with a bang, we had a faculty vs students basketball game.

The girls played the first and third quarters and the guys played the second and fourth. I wasn't originally planning on playing, but my friend Hailey that I teach with convinced me, so I gave in.

And boy I'm glad I did! It was super fun and I was glad to see that, even though I haven't played competitively since I was a freshman in high school, I still have a little bit of game :)

Those little girls were seriously brutal though, I got pretty banged up.

It was a little scary, however, when the first quarter got over. For those who may not know, I have a heck of a time absorbing iron, so I get tired really easily. I was feeling lightheaded so I walked to where no one could see me and sat down and I ended up almost blacking out :\ It took me to the end of the second quarter to be able to sit up, and then to the end of halftime to stand. But with nine minutes to go in the third quarter, I went back in the game and played the rest of the time.

And not just the players were brutal, but oh those fans! These are kids who have grown up going to Utah State Aggie games and cheered accordingly. Taunts of "you! will! miss! it! you! will! miss! it!", "LOSER! LOSER! LOSER! LOSER!", "You still suck! You still suck!" and many more filled the gym. I just laughed every time but it gave me a greater appreciation for what my friends who play for the Aggies go through. Or more appropriately, their competitors.

I even got fouled a couple times in the second half, but it was hard shooting my free throws when I was seeing double and not sure which basket to aim for.

Anyway, the teachers ended up winning and we were told we were the best girls team they've had in years. I just have one thing to say to those middle schoolers...

a very good night

Tonight was so good. I wish every night could be like tonight!

Went to Takara! Ate some insanely good sushi with amazing people and had great conversations.

Went to Borders. Coveted books.

Went on a three hour Christmas light finding, doughnut turning, conversation having drive.

Tonight was a very good night

something new #5

Here's something:

I'm not good at staying in touch with people. 

I stink at it. 

And I push people away. 

Especially the good ones. 

I don't know why.

Blech.

Prayer

I've been feeling a little sick today, and mom has the car, so I've had a lot of downtime. 

The internet is such a great resource for us to be able to access the words of modern day prophets and apostles. I'm so grateful for that. 

Anyway, today I was reading the talk by Richard G. Scott entitled "Using the Supernal Power of Prayer" and I thought I would share some of my favorite parts:

"Prayer is a supernal gift of our Father in Heaven to every soul. Think of it: the absolute Supreme Being, the most all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful personage, encourages you and me, as insignificant as we are, to converse with Him as our Father [. . .] It matters not our circumstance, be we humble or arrogant, poor or rich, free or enslaved, learned or ignorant, loved or forsaken, we can address Him. We need no appointment. Our supplication can be brief or can occupy all the time needed. It can be an extended expression of love and gratitude or an urgent plea for help. He has created numberless cosmos and populated them with worlds, yet you and I can talk with Him personally, and He will ever answer."

What an amazing promise! 

"Don’t worry about your clumsily expressed feelings. Just talk to your compassionate, understanding Father. You are His precious child whom He loves perfectly and wants to help. As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening." 

I needed to hear that. Sometimes I feel like my prayers are inadequate.

 "I have discovered that what sometimes seems an impenetrable barrier to communication is a giant step to be taken in trust. Seldom will you receive a complete response all at once. It will come a piece at a time, in packets, so that you will grow in capacity. As each piece is followed in faith, you will be led to other portions until you have the whole answer. That pattern requires you to exercise faith in our Father’s capacity to respond. While sometimes it’s very hard, it results in significant personal growth"

"Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. Your character will grow; your faith will increase"

"It is so hard when sincere prayer about something you desire very much is not answered the way you want. It is difficult to understand why your exercise of deep and sincere faith from an obedient life does not grant the desired result"

"When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision"

There's so much more, I could post his entire talk. Instead, I'll just give you the link here.

the end      U

a goal

I want to "be a photographer" so bad it hurts.

I keep a list on my desktop of cameras and lenses I will "buy one day when I am rich"

I spend so much time looking at my favorite photographers blogs and coveting their skills. (coughryanmuirheadcough)

I tell myself I can't be as good without their expensive cameras, lenses, equipment, etc...

THIS IS FALSE! I CAN BE GOOD WITH WHAT I HAVE!

So. My new goal is to carry my camera around with me everywhere. Take at least 10 pictures a day. Go exploring around Logan. Find the beauty in the places people don't usually see or might have forgotten.

my room

My room isn't always clean.

In high school it was a random assortment of Audrey Hepburn and John Deere decorations.

But my room, no matter where I live, is my favorite place to be in the house.

Ever since I was little, that's where I'd go when I needed some alone time. It's where my books are and all the other things that bring me comfort.

For whatever reason, I really hate it when other people go into my room. It makes me cringe and grind my teeth.

That's all.

1. The boquet Brooklyn threw at her wedding. That I caught, because it was my duty as maid of honor

2. Every time my family gathers, the ladies do crafts. This was the one from our 4th of july reunion. They say "home" on the other side

3. Clothes :)

4. A small SMALL sampling of my books. Most are in storage :\ At home in CDA, Phil built floor to ceiling bookshelves along one of the walls in my room and they were all full of books. I miss that. 

5. There's a mirror across from my bed. That's all. 

6. Norbert, the dragon Brooklyn gave me for my birthday. He guards my room from monsters.

7. Magnet board with pictures :) Also random coloring book pages, a yoda birthday pin, and ballroom dance awards.

8. Audrey :) 

9. The sophisticated jewelry display I made by shoving thumbtacks into the wall

something new #4

I still have 4 baby teeth that have no permanent teeth under them.

I live in constant fear that one or all of them will fall out and I will have big ugly gaping holes in my mouth.

525,600 minutes

At this time last year (ok, not down to the minute exactly, but close enough) I can't believe how different my life was compared to now.

I had been in Logan for 4 months and hadn't made a single friend. I was dying with the knowledge that I still had a month before I could get back to Rexburg.

But now...I just don't know how I'm feeling.

I mean, I still have about a thousand times more friends in Rexburg than I do in Logan.

I'm anxious to continue continuing my education.

I feel like I'm almost too old to be living with my parents.

BUT

I just can't shake the feeling that if I had a good reason to stay, I would jump on it.

I have the most incredible job, my ward is phenomenal, and i'm making really awesome friends. 

I don't want to leave it behind. 

Really really don't want to leave it...

something new #3

I'm really really stubborn

I'm trying to work on being better.

For example, i can't STAND being told what to do. Whenever someone says, "oh, you'll have to [do something or other. Often "show it to me sometime"]"  or "do this" even if it's something that I want to do or was planning on doing anyway, I no longer want to do it.

In fact, I will do everything in my power to never ever do that thing.

Also the first thought I have after such a statement is, invariably, "I don't have to do anything."

the reverse is also true, if someone tells me not to do something, even if it's something I wouldn't have done anyway, doing that thing becomes the sole purpose of my life.

i need to not be so stubborn

christmas flash mob

this may or may not have made me cry every time I have watched it...

something new #2

I read magazines from back to front

and a picture, because i feel like it :)

confession

Sometimes I have this fantasy where Rebekah Westover, Jonathan Canlas, and Ryan Muirhead and I are all best friends and hang out and take awesome photos and drink hot chocolate and travel the world together.

I also have another fantasy where Rebekah Westover reads my blog and thinks I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread and she wants me to assist her on photo shoots and when I get engaged she begs me to let her do all of my photos.

But on the other hand I hope she doesn't actually read my blog because my love for her kind of borders on an obsession. I can't help it. I'm sorry.

something new #1

My friend Brooklyn did something on her blog that I really liked, so I'm going to copy.

In order to help you get to know me better, every once in a while I'm going to share with you something that not very many people, or any people at all, know about me. Maybe it will be fun? :)

So, to start it off:

i love hockey games. especially when there are fights. And I mean gloves off, bench clearing brawls.

Thankful #14

I'm thankful for

the friends i've made this semester in Logan

that my babiest brother turns SIX tomorrow!

Okay, maybe not so much on that last one. That actually freaks me out

thankful #13

I'm grateful that my Father in Heaven can see how things will effect me in an eternal perspective and guides my life accordingly. 

Specifically...I don't know how to word it, but the lyrics from two songs will help.

First, Hilary Weeks' song Unwritten

For the roads I never traveled,

for the pain I never knew,

for the places that you kept me from--

Father I thank you.

For the days that were not wasted

for the years not spent in vain--

I'm grateful for the stories that remain unwritten.

And second, Michael McLean's He Gives Me What I Need:

All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of,

everything I hoped, and all the things I prayed for

couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given--

I've been given what I need.

A mansion on a hill,

or love like in the movies,

perfect little dreams where no one has a problem.

Instead of all the things I thought I really wanted,

I've been given what I need

thankful #12

my friends

I realize that most of these pictures are repetitive

I've just been reminiscing :) 

I miss these people

all of them

thankful #11

photography

and how it makes me happy like nothing else can

thankful #10

my family

thankful #9

After a years long battle with cancer, my aunt Lori passed away early this morning.

I'm so sad, but at the same time I'm so SO grateful for the gospel and what it teaches us about how families can be together forever through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

As I think about her young kids, her son on a mission...i'm grateful that they know and I know that we will see her again.

Thankful #8

I'm grateful that, somehow, I've been blessed with the skill to really impress adults.

This is nice in instances when I need to register for classes and the one I want isn't available, but I can email the teacher asking for help, and they email me back saying they'll do anything they need to do to get me into their class :)

thankful #7

Today I got a facebook message from the AMAZING photographer who did all of Brooklyn's wedding things.
She took the picture at the top of my blog

Seriously, she's amazing. AMAZING. Her name is Whitney Lewis and not only is she an amazing photographer, but she's just such a fun person! At Brooklyn's wedding she let me hold her camera and gave me photography tips and just sat and chatted with me.

And this morning I woke up to this:

Oh my gosh

Yeah, that really happened

thankful #6

A week ago, last tuesday, a doctor told my aunt that Uncle Mark would never wake up, never speak again, and basically be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. He told her, "it's not like he's just going to wake up one day and say 'hi'."

Well guess what?

Yesterday, HE WOKE UP! 

Would you like to know what the first thing he said was?

"Hey."

And then he went on to answer questions, mostly yes or no, but he was talking.

And when one of his friends was leaving, he asked, "do you have to go?"

In your FACE, Dr. Kevorkian!

 I'm so grateful for the power of prayer and fasting! I know it brings miracles to our lives!

ALSO

I watched this this morning and almost died. Amazing!

thankful #5

Alexis Marie Maus

I love her hugs
I love her funny smile
I love how polite she is, always saying "please," "thank you," and "abacawa" (you're welcome)
I just love her so much!!


And...

Surprise! Baby girl #2! She doesn't have a name yet, but I feel fairly confident that this time around we will be getting a Hailee Jr.

thankful #4

The thing I'm thankful for today is the reason I didn't blog yesterday

Yesterday I got the opportunity to go down to Provo and sing in the choir for Elder M. Russell Ballard's fireside. 

The choir was through the Logan LDS Institute and it was 1,100 people! 

It was an amazing experience, the last eight weeks of rehearsals, all culminating in that wonderful fireside last night where we got to share our testimonies with people all throughout the world by singing praises to our Father in Heaven.

It was something I'll never forget!

thankful #3

COUGH SYRUP.APPLE JUICE.GRAPE G2

these are the things that, in what can only be called a suicide attempt, I drove my car to walgreens last night and bought. 

I hate being sick.

thankful #2

My job

I love being "Miss Hailee" more than anything in the world. I love the two girls i work with, Charlee and Isabel. I even love them when they are grumpy and when they cough their little germs all up in my grill and get me sick.

Isabel, flapping around like a dragon

Charlee

Lastly, for my best friend

referring to me like so on her blog

Thankful #1

A lot of people are making a blog post or facebook status of something they are grateful for each day this month. I know i'm a few days late, but better late than never.

You may not know, but a few weeks ago, my uncle Mark had a pretty serious stroke.

Today I'm overwhelmed with gratitude towards the people who have helped support my aunt and cousins in the last month. The people who have made meals, organized and donated things for garage sales, raised thousands of dollars, and just been there to offer love and support.

I saw this when I logged onto facebook this morning:

I don't have any more words. I'm just so grateful

happy halloween!

Rebekah Westover

Not the subject of my blog :

I've wanted to write this particular blog for a while, but have been afraid that I'm going to come off whiney and pathetic. So I just want to say from the beginning, that's not my purpose.

Subject:

I've never been one to think and plan ahead about wedding details. But this last semester, having two roommates and my best friend planning weddings all for the same day, I was almost constantly up to my eyeballs in wedding details and, consequentially, thought more about MY wedding.

Even after all that, I still don't have my dress picked out or know what my colors are going to be.

There's actually only one thing I know for sure I want, and that is my photographer: Rebekah Westover. She's amazing. She's fantastic. As such, she's also very expensive.

(I would have liked to post pictures so you, too, could bask in the glory of her awesomeness, but I didn't have permission, so I didn't)

I gave you the links to my two favorite weddings that she did.

These literally make my heart ache because they are so beautiful.

Wedding #1

aka my favorite wedding EVER. Look. At. It.

Wedding #2

I started having heart palpitations the first time I looked through their bridals. For real.

So the part that might come off whiney is this: 

I NEED Rebekah Westover to photograph my wedding.

It is the only thing I care about in life.

{Ok, not really, but I hope now you understand how much I want for this to happen}

I don't know if the magic lies in the fact that she is just a wizard with a camera and she makes everyone she shoots look like a movie star slash super model (probable), or that the only people who can afford her are that elite group of beautiful rich people who I aspire to be a part of but in reality...probably never will. I think it's a combination of the two. 

I don't need a poolside wedding with a Bentley to drive away in.

I don't need all my groomsmen to be in impeccably tailored Ann Taylor suits.

But I DO need Rebekah Westover to photograph my wedding. 

I just want it to happen.

photography

I wish I could articulate how much I want to be a GREAT photographer. Lately I'm completely inspired by photographers I love, such as Rebekah Westover, Ryan Muirhead, and Chris Porsz. Their skillz are great.

In an effort to be better, I've been trying to shoot with film rather than digital.

Holy COW, ladies and gentlemen, it is one of the scariest things I've ever done! I never realized how much of a security blanket my digital cameras are.

I've also come to realize that this is why there's such a boom in the photography bidness lately, because it's so much easier to take a good picture when you can take a billion and only use three that you can edit in a snap (digital) as opposed to taking two dozen at a time, spending ten dollars to get them developed, and finding that only one or two actually turned out (film).

However, the ones that DO turn out...it's a great sense of accomplishment!

So today I developed my first roll of film.

Oh man. Most stunk, like this one:

But the ones that did turn out, though they were only ok, as opposed to being great...it's a start. The fact that they're in focus is enough for me, for now. Since my shutter speed was too slow most of the time, this was actually a greater accomplishment than you'd think. Or maybe not. Anyway...

And though it's going to take a lot of effort to get to where I'd like to be, I'm excited for the journey!

Here are some of my favorite digital shots I've taken lately :)

work

first of all, I think there's some weird full moon tonight that made all of the middle-schoolers turn into werewolves today

second, this conversation was the best way to start the day

Me: Hey Miguel! How are you today?

Miguel: I'm good, dog!

to my friend

I don't know if you still read my blog, or if you even remember saying this (since I'm pretty sure you said it at about 3am), but I wonder if you will ever know how much it has helped me when you told me:

"The mirror never lies, it tells you exactly how it is, at face value. but the mirror doesn't tell you the whole truth... it doesn't tell you whats on the inside.. or what makes that person looking into it what he/she really is..."

Thanks for being my friend

employed!

I have a job!

For those of you who don't know, this last week was my first at Mount Logan Middle School, working as an aide in their special needs class room and I  LOVE IT!!

I honestly can't believe I'm getting paid to do something that I love so much! I only wish I could work for more than three hours a day.

Seriously. I'm in heaven.

My typical day goes a little like:

12:00- get to school

kids get back from lunch. Help them brush teeth. Read some books.

12:15- work with my main girl Isabel on something like counting money, calculator math, sorting, or telling time. One day this last week I spent this who hour in the speech room helping the teacher and about five different kids from the class.

1:00- take Isabel and Charlee (aka "my girls") to PE. Charlee can't walk without a walker and consequently hates to walk, so during PE she and I usually sit on the grass and collect sticks while Isabel goes and plays with the rest of the class

1:50- This hour kind of varies, depending on the day, but the majority of the time I go with another aide, Zach, and take his boys to keyboarding.

2:50- Get the kiddos ready to go and on the bus!

So that's pretty much how my days go! I completely love it :) I wish I could take some pictures of my girls to show you how beautiful they are, but that's against the rules :\ 

Isabel is in the 7th grade, but is a teeny thing and looks like she's about 9 or 10. She's a total little firecracker and makes me laugh all the time--and she's so stinking smart! She can't talk very well, but between signing and talking, we manage to talk and joke most of the day.

Also, she has trouble walking, but is mostly ok unless we have to go down stairs. Then I'm supposed to hold on to the back of her shirt, but she's FIERCELY independent and growls and tries to jerk away from me. Pretty much we're best friends unless we're going down a set of stairs or i'm trying to get her to do work.

so...that's my job and I love it!

ps: It's my secret goal to have Isabel like me better than any of the other aides. I'll keep you updated on that :)

Is it too soon to be love?

So I was watching the season premiere of Glee this morning.

There's a new character

His name is Sam, played by Chord Overstreet 

He has the face and vocal chords of a baby ANGEL. And those lips!

I saw him for the first time this morning...is it too soon to be love?

I couldn't figure out how to post the youtube video of him singing on Glee, but if you know what's good for you, you will click here and listen to his angelic voice.

Excuse me?

Someone please tell me where this baby went...

...and who this big girl is! I can't even believe how big Lexi is! She is so sweet and fun and I love her so much! She always keeps us smiling :)

I love this last picture especially :) I can't look at it without getting a huge grin on my face.

THE END